Saturday, October 04, 2008
A New Season of Life
As I grow older, I've developed an appreciation for the simpler things of life. When I was younger, in my twenties and thirties, my children were my focus. The responsibility to raise decent and God-fearing sons weighed heavy on my heart.
I put little time into personal friends--they were acquaintances and as time passed we lost touch. I knew I could always call on any one of them in a time of need and they'd not hesitate to be by my side. But we spent little time together.
My own passions and desires were shoved beneath the surface in lieu of the needs and interests of my family and I do not begrudge them that time at all. It was a wonderful time of my life. Times were hard, finances so tight that we wondered where the next dollar would come from. Creditors called, school wanted money for pictures, money for trips, money to simply go to school. My husband and I would close the bedroom door and hash out who would get the last dollar in the account. Still, to this day, I would not trade the moments of hardships because they drew us close-- solidified our relationship and our family.
My forties passed like a quiet breeze in the trees. I felt the wind whip my hair around a bit but I had no idea that what really flew past was time. Our children are adults. They don't need me anymore and there is a deep sense of lose, while at the same time a sense of joy for their graduation into life. We stand back and smile at the men the boys have become. Kind, sweet, responsible--and they love the Lord.
Today I walked to the top of the mountain. Asthma sucks my breath away these days, but I made the hike. It took a while. A long while and there were times the mountain was so steep I crawled on my hands and knees. I thought about turning back. It would have been easy to have done so--blame it on the asthma. But my heart, though it pounded hard deep in my chest, cried to me to move ahead. I did. Step by step.
I've never been a quiter Sometimes I'm slow, but I've never quit. Wanted to lots of times, but never did. Did a lot of crying. Did a lot of pleading to the Father trying to understand why things are the way they are.... but I never quit. Made some serious wrong turns in my time, too. But I moved on. And I'm not sure why.
My backpack hung on trees and sticks, yanking me backward, causing my footing to slip but I crawled to the rock because it called to me. My fingers grasped the edge of the boulder and I pulled myself upward slinging my leg up to roll onto the rock. It took awhile for me to get my breath. I lay there staring into the arch of trees over me. But when I stood. Oh my word.
I turned to the east and as far as I as could see, the majesty of the mountains. I thought to myself, this is worth taking my breath away.
The edge of the mountain held no boundaries--it simply reached to the heavens and I lifted my hands and touched the sky. Tears filled my eyes and freely fell and I went to my knees and pleaded for God to forgive me for the failures I was responsible for. Help me forgive, help me to be humble, help me to be the mirror of Christ, help me, help me.....help me.
And when I lifted my head and looked to the west, I saw the sun set. I had to run through the trees to find a spot to watch through the thickness of the forest. As darkness covered me I had no worries that I'd find my way back down the mountain. Odd as it was, I wasn't sure of the way but I followed the path until I found the road. A chill over took me but the warmth of God's breath brought me peace.
In this new season of my life, my priorities have changed. I've always loved the mountains, found my peace here....but now, I long for the mountaintop. I long to touch the sky and soak in the peace that blows in the breeze. I pray for inspiration and I plead to find the Father in His majestic mountainside.
Rest covers me. And I am content--I am being renewed.